Old Folks Exercise

I suggest a change in venue. Hop in that mobile home parked out in the yard gathering dust and drive it down to Quartzite, Arizona. That is rock hound heaven. Every winter a zillion old folks go to Quartzite to gather rocks, shoot the bull with other old-timers, and to warm-up in the desert sun.

Rock hunting is good exercise. At the end of the day you can nurse your sunburn, put Watkins® Liniment on your sore muscles, and snooze in front of the T.V. Your friends up north will be freezing their tootsies off. What could be better than that?

One last caution: When rock hunting, don’t put your hands into dark holes. A snake, scorpion, or spider might be lurking there. Ouch!

Most centers have an exercise program. Nothing is more vigorous than waving your hands at your neighbor. You will bend over and stretch. After the exercise you can stay for that 3000 calorie lunch. That will make you sleepy. Go home and take a long nap in front of As the World Turns.

Lots of old folks like to walk around the mall. You can walk at your own pace, stopping at interesting window displays. After the walk, you can go to the food court and eat a couple of those great cinnamon buns with milk or your favorite hot beverage.

I prefer hot chocolate myself.

Mall walking seems to be more fun if you are a member of a group. That way you have someone to lie to while eating your cinnamon bun.

If the mall is too far away, then walk around your house or apartment.

When your spouse says, “Stop that! What the heck are you doing anyway?” try the Charles Atlas method of dynamic tension.

Nobody will be kicking sand in your face.

Do you know that Charles Atlas still advertises? His ads are published up-side-down. You have to stand on your head to read them. That’s good exercise too.

An explanation of dynamic tension is needed for the uninitiated. Take your left fist and put in into your right palm. Now push and push and push. Now grab your right hand in your left hand and pull and pull and pull.

Get it? You are working one muscle against another.

Well, you are on your way dynamic tension wise.

An alternative to dynamic tension is weight lifting. I bought a pair of 5-pound weights at a yard sale. I lift them while watching T.V.

I also have a horse other than my real horse.

You sit on the thing and pull up your own weight. You can change the configuration and push up your own weight.

Either way you will be looking for the horse liniment.